Are You Still Being Told To Just Get Over It?

“You should be over this by now” creates more shame for survivors.

If survivors had a magic wand, they would have waved their pain away. But it’s not easy to heal. Healing can be swervy. It doesn’t move in a straight line.

Pain lives in the body and the mind. It does not just go away because we want it to or because someone tells us it should.

Most of us were not taught how to cope with hurt. We weren’t equipped with the tools. We were just told to “get over it.”

What Qualifies Me to Say Any of This?

When colleagues hear that I was homeless as a teen and earned my doctorate, they tell me, "You should write a book."

Are they really going to read it? Or are they just being nice? Would I be writing it for them or me or readers that want to be inspired? Maybe the answer is none of those options.

When I discussed this with my own therapist (yes, therapists have therapists), he said there could be someone else who needs to read it. Maybe my story could help them in a way that hearing from another survivor can.

So why was it so hard for me to finally decide to write my own Substack newsletter? Why did it take so much convincing (me convincing myself)

I became a clinician because I needed someone like me at 14. This newsletter is my way of being in yours.

I lived this.

I left home at 14. For four years, I was homeless. I worked as a babysitter and cleaned apartments at 14. I started waitressing at 16. I lived off the tips paid in cash and the checks when I got paid.

I worked to feed and clothe myself. No one handed me anything. A few months after I turned 18, I rented my own apartment. I seriously signed my first rental agreement at 18.

I earned my bachelor's degree in psychology and my first master's degree in my 20s. A decade later, I got my doctorate.

Why Don’t All Coping Tools Actually Work?

Most of the tools I found online are generic with a one-size-fits-all approach. As if they were created by a textbook or AI. Then, there are the trends created on social media.

The generic tools don’t account for the state of overwhelm or feelings of frustration so fierce that you want to pull your hair out. They don’t consider old wounds that keep opening up again. They come with the expectation that you already know how to do this — the healing.

The people who create the tools usually come from one of two worlds. The world with all the clinical training or lived through hard things. Things that break us.

I bring both. I have the clinical training and I also know what it’s like to survive on the streets as a teen (and more).

When you feel overwhelmed, try this…

What Did I Create Instead?

This is why I’m creating tools for survivors and anyone who is living through something tough right now. I created Beyond Survival coping cards. They are tools that teach simple coping skills. They also teach ways to give yourself compassion. These are the tools I wish I had when I was 14.

They didn’t come from a textbook. They didn’t come from social media or AI. They came from my hard fought survival and movement towards beyond surviving. I embed my first-hand knowledge with my clinical training to give you safe coping techniques.

Here on my website you can get 3 of my Beyond Survival coping cards. They’re made for real moments, whenever you need them. Use them when you feel off balance, worried, or not sure what to do with your feelings.